Monday, May 5, 2008

Long time, no post

I've been a rather busy dog for the past few months, so sorry about the lack of posting. I spent a few days with my most awesomest Auntie Paula, with her dogs, Bus and Marlin. We had a blast. There are also these small creatures in her house that she hides in a back room. I am obsessed with them, but Paula will not let me play with them or eat them or even see them. But I know they are there. They are called Thurman and Merman, and, well, I want to have them for lunch sometime. I mean meet them, meet them for lunch. All friendly like. Really.

Back here at my regular home, I've become increasingly plagued by the various kitties who live in my neighborhood. There are two grey kittens who live across the street, and I swear, they come outside and taunt me. They sun themselves RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME from the other side of the fence. They frolic and play. They are making me crazy. SO crazy, that recently, I have taken to going into the garden and eating dirt. Bridget really really really hates this and tries to stop me, so I like to run away, but running through the garden, making dog prints and a general mess. She is totally fed up with me. It's awesome.

So recently, I sat down with the newest member of our household to conduct a dog-to-baby interview. Here we are in the garden, getting to know each other:

I thought I would share my findings so far, in the interest of informing other dogs of what these creatures are really like. It turns out, they're not all bad. They are A LOT bad, but sometimes, they are not entirely bad. Here we go:

Carter: I see you have a lot of cool, squeaky, chewy toys. Can I borrow some of them?
Lucy: Sure!
Carter: Thanks! Nom!
Carter: So, uh, I think you're spoiled.
Lucy: Spoiled? What's that?
Carter: The humans, they carry you around everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. Like, you don't have to walk at all.
Lucy: Yeah, but they go wherever THEY want to go. I don't get to decide. But someday, I will.
Carter: You get to go UPSTAIRS. I NEVER EVER EVER get to go upstairs. And when I try, I get yelled at. What is upstairs? Is it like filled with chew toys? Is there beef jerky everywhere? You MUST tell me!
Lucy: No way, dude, you DON'T want to go up there. I have to SLEEP when I go up there! They put me in a CAGE in a DARK ROOM. It is LAME upstairs.
Carter: I dunno, the sleeping part doesn't sound so bad. But a cage? A cage you say? Really?
Lucy: It's a cage. I don't care if they call it a "crib." The cribs on MTV don't look like that. It's a baby cage.
Carter: Still, you're so lucky! They feed you from a bottle! And they do that ALL THE TIME! I only get fed twice a day! You get fed, like ten times a day and even IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! I know! I hear you scream, and then they give you a bottle! When I bark, I don't even get a treat!
Lucy: OK, tell ya what. When I get myself mobile, my first order of business will be to get you more food. Promise.
Carter: Really? OK. That sounds good. I don't want bottles though. I want, like steak.
Lucy: What's steak?
Carter: Harumph. We'll work on it. But to get back to the questions, what's with all the screaming? I mean, you're really loud. REALLY REALLY LOUD. And yet, so small. You're totally smaller than me. But so much louder. What's up with that?
Lucy: Why wouldn't I be loud? I mean, what's the point of being quiet?
Carter: I disapprove of such behavior, and I ask you, I beseech you, please stop with all the screaming.
Lucy: I'll take it under advisement. No promises.
Carter: Well, I think we've covered more than enough for one interview session. I think I need to take a nap. I hope we can continue to have a productive dialogue in the interest of improved living conditions for both babies and dogs in this household. Agreed?
Lucy: Agreed.